


The Last Time I Hold You

by MajestyTime



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Rain, Reminiscing, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajestyTime/pseuds/MajestyTime
Summary: "It's not fair," Ash mumbles, turning his head away from Eiji, his hair falling across his face and obscuring his expression completely. "They deserved better."Eiji's heart aches inside his chest. All he can think about is what words could possibly soothe the never-ending pain inside of Ash and whenever he needs them the most, the right words elude him completely, leaving him speechless. Instead, Eiji gently intertwines his fingers with Ash's, giving Ash's hand a soft squeeze.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 118





	The Last Time I Hold You

**Author's Note:**

> there needs to be more pillow & blanket fort one-shots in the world!

Ash unlocks the door of the apartment and steps inside, locking the door behind him before tossing his keys onto the nearby kitchen counter. His clothes were completely soaked because of the rain outside and his hair clung to his skin, dripping onto the carpet. Ash kicks his shoes off and heads toward the bedroom, shivering slightly because of how cold the condo was.

Ash is greeted by the sight of Eiji engrossed in a manga written in Japanese. He was sat on the floor by Ash's bed. Briefly, Ash wonders if Eiji purposely sat by his bed before attempting to silently open one of the drawers to get a change of clothes. The drawer creeks as he pulls it open and Ash tenses up as Eiji looks up from his manga.

"Hey, Ash," Eiji says smiling. His smile fades quickly as he takes in the sight of Ash. "You're drenched! What—"

"I didn't have an umbrella on me," Ash shrugs, rummaging through one of the drawers in their condo. He shakes out his hair as he pulls out some dry clothes, splashing droplets of water onto the carpet and the dresser.

"Ash! You're making a mess!" Eiji huffs, setting aside his manga to begin to get up. Ash shakes his head, signaling Eiji to stay seated.

"It's okay," Ash smirks, closing the drawer, his dry clothes and towel held in one hand. "I have a housewife at home who can clean it for me."

Eiji grumbles, his cheeks turning red as he pouts and begins to protest. Ash just laughs and leaves the room before Eiji can come up with a proper retort. Eiji hears Ash close the bathroom door and lock it. A brief silence passes before he hears the hot water running. Eiji sighs and rolls his eyes. Stupid Ash had only been home for about two seconds, and he was already being the worst! Ash was like an annoying husband, always ready to tease.

The last thought makes Eiji blush and a small smile plays on his lips. Before his thoughts can get carried away, Eiji picks up his manga and slips into a different world, excitement bubbling up within him as he waits for Ash to get out of the shower.

After roughly half an hour passes, Ash comes into the bedroom. He was wearing black sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"Why are there so many blankets and pillows on the bed?" Ash asks as he walks towards Eiji and plops down next to him. Eiji puts down his book before replying.

"I'm surprised you didn't notice sooner."

"I don't know if you could tell, but I was busy trying to warm myself up so I don't get sick," Ash says, rolling his eyes, a teasing smile sliding smoothly onto his lips. "I wouldn't want a certain someone to nag me because I got sick."

Eiji smiles and rolls his eyes as heat creeps up in his cheeks.

"Anyway, why—?" Before Ash can finish, Eiji cuts him off excitedly, leaning forward as he speaks.

"So we can build a pillow fort!" Eiji exclaims, his eyes lighting up like a supernova. Eiji backs up a bit when he notices Ash's surprised expression at Eiji's sudden movements. Eiji looks away, Ash's jade eyes making his heart do somersaults. "If you want to, of course."

"Why do you want to build a pillow fort?" Ash asks, turning his head to look out the window. Rain crashes against the window hard, it's chaos muffled and subdued by the thick glass of the floor-to-ceiling window, filling the room with its soft, gentle melody. The room is dimly lit by the warm, golden glow the two lamps in the room. The weather combined with the dim lighting makes every word spoken and action taken in the bedroom feel a thousand times more intimate and vulnerable. The whole atmosphere was soaking up the snark out of Ash, slowly replacing it with something more honest and tender.

"Why not?" Eiji shrugs in response, grinning like a child waking up Christmas morning. "I just thought it would be fun to build one together. Do you want to?"

"Sure," Ash says, leaning back to rest on his elbows. "I've never built a pillow fort before, though."

"You've never—?!" Eiji exclaims, then abruptly cuts himself off when Ash shrugs and smiles sadly. Gray lightning flashes through Eiji's heart before he pushes it away by smiling.

"This can be your first time then," Eiji says, standing up. Ash can feel his heart do a backflip inside his chest at those simple words. He stands up beside Eiji and the two of them get to work.

The two of them push their separate beds further apart before stretching a baby blue blanket across the two beds. They make sure the blanket is taut before placing some books on the bed on the part of the blanket that lay on the bed so that the blanket stays taut. Since the blue blanket wasn't wide enough to go across the full length of the bed, they repeat this process with another lavender blanket so that a full ceiling of sorts was made above the space between the beds. Eiji crawls into the space underneath the blankets to lay out a sky blue blanket patterned with fluffy white clouds onto the floor while Ash drapes another blanket on top of the makeshift blanket ceiling so that the wall and entrance are covered. Eiji smooths out the blanket by the wall and the blanket on the floor before crawling out. Ash goes inside and lines up multicolored pillows against the bed, making two walls of pillows. The inside space of the pillow fort was actually actually pretty big; the width of the fort was almost the same as the length of the beds and only fell short by a couple feet. Ash sets down two pillows side-by-side, close to the blanket covering the wall and its outlet.

Ash backs up towards the middle of the fort and sits down. He hugs his knees for a moment, letting the darkness inside the blanket fort envelope him. It was warm inside, but cozy since the apartment was cold. Ash presses his cheek against his knees, the cloth of the sweatpants rough against the smooth skin of his face. Ash closes his eyes and everything inside his body stills completely for a moment. An emptiness snakes its away around his organs, getting ready to squeeze.

Just then, Eiji crawls inside with a handful of fairy lights, and the emptiness unravels. Ash quickly lifts his head and changes his sitting position so that he's sitting cross-legged.

"Really?" Ash asks, raising an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips. "Fairy lights?"

"Yes," Eiji replies smugly, crawling towards the wall covered by a blanket with two sets of wound up fairy lights in one hand. Eiji lifts up the blanket, plugs in the lights, and drops the blanket down, covering the outlet and the wall again. Eiji grabs the first set of fairy lights near the base of the cord, a few feet away from the plug. He tucks the part of the light's cord between the blanket acting as the pillow fort's ceiling and the bed. Eiji crawls towards the entrance of the fort and tucks the end of the light's cord in the same fashion by the foot of the bed. Eiji repeats the process with the other set of lights on the other side of the pillow fort. By the end of it, fairy lights hang on both pillow walls and light up the pillow fort with dim, golden light.

Eiji flops backwards, his head landing on one of the pillows. He turns his head to look at Ash, the soft yellow light reflecting in his chocolate eyes, a smile on his face. "It's perfect."

"I don't know about that," Ash says, turning his head to the side to hide the heat creeping up in his cheeks. "It's whatever."

"Wow, first pillow fort and you're not impressed at all?" Eiji says, raising an eyebrow. Ash shrugs and leans against the wall of pillows behind him, the lights slightly digging into his back.

"It's more of a blanket fort than a pillow fort," Ash replies as he looks around the inside of the fort. For a moment, Ash feels like a small child lost inside a vast world of soft blankets and pillows as far as the eye can see, and Ash can feel a child's yearning grip his heart, soft and gray and made of cool iron. Suddenly, Ash is eight years old again. He's playing baseball with his friends under a bubblegum blue sky, blissfully unaware of all the horror that would ensue soon once his coach took him home.

"Pillow fort, blanket fort," Eiji says, tossing his head side to side as he waves his hand in the air. "Same thing. Don't you think it's pretty, though?"

Ash turns his head back towards Eiji, hugs his knees, and smiles softly. A few strands of his silky blonde hair falls across his face as he presses his cheek against one of his knees as he speaks. "Yeah. I like it."

"I'm glad," Eiji replies, smiling. The rain pours on quietly in the background, filling their small space with a sweet melody. Something about the warm blankets and being inside this silly fort with Eiji made Ash feel like his heart was gently pulled out of his chest and being laid bare right in front of Eiji. The feeling was terrifying but exhilarating and Ash enjoyed it.

"Did you make blanket forts often when you were a kid?" Ash asks, lifting up his head and tucking his knees underneath his chin.

"Yeah," Eiji chuckles, staring up at the blankets above him. "My friends and I would make a huge blanket fort and stay up all night. Sometimes, we'd secretly read inappropriate or scary manga after my parents had gone to sleep."

"Was it hentai?" Ash asks, smirking and raising an eyebrow.

"What?! No! Who taught you that word?!" Eiji stammers quickly, his face heating up. Ash throws his head back and laughs. The sound is like music to Eiji's ears.

"Wow, Eiji, I didn't realize you were so dirty," Ash teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up," Eiji says, grabbing a pillow near him before throwing it at Ash. "We just read adult stuff that had a lot of gore and violence!"

Ash's laughter lingers for a moment as he swiftly smacks the pillow to the side before it can hit him. His voice comes out in a teasing singsong. "Sure."

"Seriously," Eiji huffs, crossing his arms and pouting. "Just dark stuff and gore. Sometimes, my younger sister Naoko would try to join us, but I never let her."

"Did you ever build a pillow fort with her?" Ash asks, suddenly much more quiet. Ash had forgotten that Eiji had his own family to return to and worry about. So much had happened with Eiji in New York City that Ash hadn't even thought about Eiji's family. Hearing Eiji mention Naoko reminds Ash of Griffin and the pain Ash causes to everyone he loves. The feeling makes his jade eyes dim and dark.

"Yeah," Eiji says, staring back up at the blanket ceiling. "I always thought she was super annoying, but after being away from her for so long...It really makes me miss her. Especially after Griffin..."

Eiji trails off, embarrassment gripping him as he turns his head to look at Ash, who was staring blankly at one of the clouds on the blanket that separated the both of them from the floor.

"Ash, I didn't mean..." Eiji says. He had no idea how to fix this rift he had suddenly opened, but it was too late now. Eiji could physically feel Ash retreat into himself, the black fog of thoughts wrapping itself around his head and taking him far, far away from Eiji.

"I get it," Ash replies, his nails digging into the cloth of his sweatpants. "It's fine. I'm sorry I..."

The words are unspoken, but it floats in the air between them, acting as a thick curtain blocking each other from view.

_I'm sorry I made you stay._

"It's not your fault," Eiji says, turning his head away from Ash to stare at the wall of pillows next to him. "I chose to stay..."

Eiji turns his head back towards to Ash and their eyes meet as Eiji finishes.

"And I don't regret it."

A small smile makes its way onto Ash's lips, and for once, Ash doesn't try to hide it. Eiji smiles back and they both look away. Butterflies swarm Ash's stomach and fill him with something he knows he doesn't deserve. Eiji pats the space next to him, breaking the momentary silence. "Come lay down."

Slowly, Ash lays down on his back next to Eiji. They look at each other and smile before staring at the blanket ceiling.

"Tell me about your family," Ash murmurs so softly that Eiji barely catches his words.

"Well, my whole family loves to cook," Eiji says, resting his hands on his stomach. "Whenever my sister and I got into arguments, we'd always apologize by making something for the other person. Sometimes we'd even make up by cooking or baking something together. We'd share the food together after we finished."

"That's sweet," Ash replies. Ash could easily picture Eiji in his family kitchen in Japan with his sister, laughing together as they make a delicious snack in their pajamas. The image fits perfectly with Eiji and makes Ash smile.

"Yeah, but Naoko would always borrow my stuff without asking and she always nagged me about buying her food after school. She's so annoying."

Ash chuckles at that. "It runs in the family."

"Shut up," Eiji replies, elbowing Ash in the side. Eiji stays silent for a moment before speaking again. "I was wondering if..."

"Yeah?" Ash asks, his voice low and encouraging.

"Do you want to tell any stories about Griffin?"

Ash stays silent for so long that Eiji worries he went too far. Just as Eiji opens his mouth to apologize, Ash speaks.

"One time," Ash starts quietly, his eyes drifting to a faraway place as he speaks. "Griff had picked me up from school and we were walking home. I saw stuffed teddy bear with a black eyepatch in the display window of a shop and I went berserk. He kept telling me he wasn't going to buy it, but after enough begging, he bought it for me. I named it Mr.Honeynuts. I tried to do the same thing the next day with a different toy, but Griff threatened to stop buying me ice cream after school on Fridays, so that shut me up."

"Aw, he bought you teddy bear and got you ice cream on Fridays? That's so cute!" Eiji says as he turns his body so that he lays on his side. Ash turns his head to look at Eiji's smiling face and shrugs.

"Yeah..." Ash's soft smile fades. The air suddenly grows heavy again, thick with blood and faraway family lost in gray fog and white powder.

"Do you..." Eiji starts, unsure of how he should proceed. "Do you think about him a lot?"

"I think about them all a lot," Ash replies, his hands digging into his stomach slightly. "Griffin, Skipper, Shorter..."

Ash swallows, the words clogging up inside his throat.

"It's not fair," Ash mumbles, turning his head away from Eiji, his hair falling across his face and obscuring his expression completely. "They deserved better."

Eiji's heart aches inside his chest. All he can think about is what words could possibly soothe the never-ending pain inside of Ash and whenever he needs them the most, the right words elude him completely, leaving him speechless. Instead, Eiji gently intertwines his fingers with Ash's, giving Ash's hand a soft squeeze.

"It's not your fault," Eiji whispers, dragging his thumb around the back of Ash's hand in smooth soothing circles.

"I know," Ash says, his voice coming out so broken that Eiji can feel the shards of pain piercing through his chest and straight into his heart. How could Eiji even begin to comfort Ash when he couldn't even fathom how many fresh wounds must litter and lurk inside of Ash? No amount of reassurances or superficial words could ever come close to healing any of those bleeding wounds.

Instead, Eiji slips his hand out of Ash's grip and turns onto his side before slowly inching towards Ash. Eiji gently lays his arm across Ash's stomach and presses his cheek against the thin fabric on top of Ash's chest. Ash stays completely still, but doesn't push Eiji away. Eiji takes that as a good sign. They lay like that for a moment, bodies still and heartbeats dancing in sync. Eiji was so, so warm, and though he knew he shouldn't, Ash slowly wraps his arms around Eiji, lightly enough that Eiji could push him away if he wanted to.

Eiji doesn't push Ash away. He snuggles closer to Ash, the palm of his hand resting against Ash's side. Eiji loops one of his legs around one of Ash's legs and rubs his cheek against Ash's chest. Ash closes his eyes and relishes the feeling of Eiji in his arms, which was warmer than sunlight in the spring, gentle as flowers flowing in the cool breeze, and most importantly, full of life.

"I don't want to lose you, too, Eiji," Ash whispers, holding Eiji closer to him. "I don't want this to be the last time I hold you."

"This isn't the last time," Eiji says with such conviction that Ash almost believes it. "And you won't lose me."

"You don't know that," Ash replies, gripping Eiji's shirt.

"But I do know that I'd do anything for you," Eiji replies, lifting his head up to look directly into Ash's deep jade eyes. "And I refuse to die before bringing you to Japan with me."

Something in Ash's eyes flicker for a moment. "Eiji..."

Eiji cracks a small smile. "So don't worry about me, Ash. You know how stubborn I can be."

Maybe it was the way this warm blanket fort made Ash feel like he was in a completely different world, a world brighter than his own dark, hellish wonderland, or maybe it was the sugary sweet look in Eiji's eyes, but something compels Ash to lifts his hands up and hold Eiji's face.

Eiji's smile fades as a blush overtakes his features. Suddenly, both of them are overly aware of the proximity of their bodies. Eiji was laying on top of Ash, forearms resting on either side of Ash's ribs. Pools of golden warmth collect in their stomachs, shimmering and smooth. Every part of their body that was connected burned with sparks despite their skin being separated by the cloth of their clothes.

"Ash," Eiji says, soft and low and filled with so much longing.

"Eiji," Ash murmurs back, equally yearning, eyes half-lidded and heat rushing to his cheeks. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," Eiji breathes, leaning forward as his own eyes flutter shut.

Their lips connect and move in tandem in a secret and tender dance. Ash's lips are plush and soft against Eiji's. Ash can feel warmth spreading throughout him, a weightlessness overtaking him as his body processes the fact that he, Ash Lynx, was kissing Eiji Okumura, and all was right in the world.

Eiji can feel everything melt away as he continues to kiss Ash, the sensation of Ash lips against his drowning out all his other senses with syrupy, honey-like love.

When they finally pull apart, their lips linger close to each other as their eyes roam all over each other's faces.

"Ash," Eiji says, breathless and smiling. "I love you."

Suddenly, Ash's whole body soars and sings as a smile spreads across his lips. He leans in for another kiss, pressing hard and holding Eiji's body close to his own.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed! :)
> 
> bonus points to you if you caught the Camp Camp reference


End file.
